You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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