So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
