So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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