so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
