The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
