I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The adults are the big ones right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
