i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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