At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
