If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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