How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
