Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
