is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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