My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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