one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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