My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
