I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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