That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize