I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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