mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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