Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
