On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
