Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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