I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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