There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
