why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
