ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize