the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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