You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
