She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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