I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
