Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
