i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
