Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
