I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
