He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
