I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
