dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
