I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
