Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
