can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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