More tranny stories later!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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