u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize