it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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