She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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