ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
