you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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