hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
