Soap is not a condiment
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize