sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
