I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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