Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
