Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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