theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
