im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
