I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
