Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
