Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
