well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
