I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
