Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
