Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
