Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
