you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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